Coaching Your Team: The Shocking Key to Great Leadership (And Why You Are Doing it Wrong)
Let's face it: most leadership advice focuses on the usual suspects – delegation, communication, inspiration. Important? Absolutely. But are those the hallmarks of truly exceptional leaders? Not in and of themselves. These skills are important, but they don't get to the heart of what makes a leader great.
The secret sauce? Coaching. Great leaders don't just manage their teams; they roll up their sleeves and coach them to become better, more effective versions of themselves, day in and day out.
The Dreaded Drama Triangle
Before we dive into coaching, let's shine a light on a common leadership pitfall: the drama triangle. In this scenario, you're cast in one of 3 roles: the victim (whiny, complaining), the persecutor (finger-pointing micro-manager), or the rescuer ("Don't worry, I'll handle it").
Spoiler alert: none of these roles are healthy, productive, or conducive to a thriving team.
Shockingly, nearly 95% (yes, even leaders) default to the rescuer role. If you do this, ask yourself how this is going for you? Chances are it's likely causing you additional overwhelm and frustration.
Being the coach is a surefire way of pulling you out of the drama triangle.
And here's the thing: rescuers create victims and persecutors. It's a toxic cycle that breeds overwhelm, frustration, and a whole lot of dysfunction.
Coaching: A Paradigm Shift, Not an Add-On
Now, about that coaching thing. It's not about piling more onto your already overflowing plate; it's about fundamentally transforming how you interact with your team.
By having a coaching mindset, you step out of the drama triangle and into a position of empowerment – for yourself and your team.
How? Start by asking yourself, "How can I be the coach in this situation?" This simple question shifts your focus from knee-jerk reactions to mindful, intentional responses.
Key Coaching Questions to Unlock Your Team Potential
Here's a breakdown of 4 powerful coaching questions to weave into your leadership style:
"What do you want here?" This question cuts to the chase, helping individuals clarify their goals and desires. By understanding what motivates them, you can better align their work with their aspirations, creating a sense of ownership and autonomy in your team.
"What's on your mind?" During your weekly 1:1s, this open-ended question gives your team members the space to share what's truly important to them – the good, the bad, and what might be keeping them awake at night. This builds trust and psychological safety, essential ingredients for a high-performing team.
"Out of curiosity..." This phrase softens challenging conversations, making it easier for you to ask direct questions, save time and for your team to open up and share honestly. It signals that you're genuinely interested in understanding their perspective, not just interrogating them.
"What was most valuable for you here?" Wrapping up your conversation with this question encourages self-reflection and provides you with invaluable feedback on your coaching effectiveness. It also reinforces the learning that took place during the conversation.
Feedback + Coaching Are A Power Couple
Coaching and feedback go hand-in-hand. When a team member makes a mistake, resist the urge to dive in and fix it. Instead, ask questions that guide them to their own solutions: "What's the data telling us? What are the facts? What outcome are you aiming for?"
Remember, great leaders don't just share knowledge; they create an environment where learning and development flourish.
By coaching your team, you create a culture of continuous growth, leading to more confident, competent, and effective individuals – and a stronger, more successful business.
So, what was most valuable for you in this article? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
